My Niqab Story
I had pretty much wanted to wear the niqab since becoming Muslim. In those early days when I could barely respond to the greeting of Assalamu alaykum I was already in love with the niqab.
I hadn’t been able to try it out as I didn't have a clue where to get one and at the time I was still struggling with covering myself enough to fulfill any of the conditions of hijab. The desire I had to wear the niqab and full abaya or jilbab was almost equal to my fear of what my family would say if they saw me wearing it.
This being the case, my cowardliness and gratefully my lack of funds to buy the correct Islamic attire meant that for years I fluctuated between various forms of clothes which I layered until I felt somewhat satisfied that I had indeed done my best to cover. I had my excuses and I was making my best efforts to be a Muslim woman in the hijab.
Yet the desire to wear the niqab remained and intensified every time I saw a sister wearing it. I was immediately attracted to any sister covering her face and would make an effort to try and get to know them.
After my divorce I found the courage and made the effort to invest in some simple abayas which I wore happily as they made my life so much easier. I didn't have to think about what I was going to wear to achieve covering what I needed to cover. It was easy now. With abaya and scarf I was ready to go anywhere in just 3 minutes.
I was encouraged by a friend that I could now don the niqab as a way to disguise myself from my ex husband. But for me the niqab was not about disguising or hiding myself. It was a passionate desire to be a truly free Muslim woman not caring about the opinions of others or bound by their expectations of how I should look or act.
The day I decided to finally wear it I put it on with the intention of just trying it out. There was no pressure I thought, I’ll just wear it for the day and see how it goes. I had an appointment that day to volunteer at the local Islamic centre. I had already been there before as a hijabi and the brothers knew my face. I went in and had my meeting and right at the end the brother turned to me and said: “Congratulations on the niqab”.
I was pleasantly surprised by his comment which brought me to the realisation that yes, it is indeed a moment of congratulations. After 7 years of being a Muslim I had finally crossed a great mental and physical barrier and worn the niqab. I had finally submitted those desires to fulfill my spiritual craving to do something extra to please my Rabb. It was a defining moment for me which cemented my commitment to wear the niqab full time. Alhamdulillah, I have been a full time niqabi since that day.
The Niqabi Diaries is a podcast dedicated to sharing the stories of the Muslim women who have experience wearing the face veil.
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